Divine Communicator Gifts

Never fails. Stay in all week, not one call. Step out for an hour to preach...

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Knee-Mail

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Heaven is currently unattended, if you wish to leave your prayers at the sound of the tone...they will be answered."

"Give it a rest Phil. I doubt God will speak to you from a burning brush."

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Local News in Heaven

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"I've been feeling more transparent."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'