Divine Communication Enthusiast Gifts

'After the beep, please leave a prayer.'

Local News in Heaven

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

CartoonStock Upload

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"Just my luck."

Bird Messaging

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

"Well, to be honest, I try to avoid reunions - my first four husbands are here."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'Personal?...No, I assure you, my relationship with God is strictly professional.'

"For the last time- I can't Rapture you out to the Hamptons."

"At random IS the plan..."

Priest and mobile

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

'Free will? -- I think they need more structure than that.'

"Theologian? You guys are always fun."

"Wow, …. who does your voice-overs?"

God throwing a lifebelt.

Social Networking in Heaven.

'It's a conversation piece.'

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

'New Charismatic'

Along with technology came the ascension of curmudgeon man: 'Well, back in my day, we'd just walk over and talk to each other!'

'Drawbridge ahead'

Lourdes Miracles.

'It's the same thing every day, Mother. The first thing he does when he gets home is check his peemail.'

God's secretary.

Listen, I know you're omniscient - You don't need to say "spoiler alert" every time you tell me something.