Divine Dialoguer Gifts

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

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"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Sinking Oil Tanker

"I stand corrected..."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

God's Fly Swat...

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.