Divine Debater Gifts

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'But if He's omniscient, wouldn't praying just annoy him?'

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

'Let me get this straight... God wants me to let him save me from what he will do to me if I don't let him save me?'

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"When you have all the answers, what's left?"

'Have you cleared this by legal yet?'

'You used foul and offensive language when addressing your computer. Well....we've all done that.'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"If your god wants me to believe in him, he should exist."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Which God are you praying to? The one who caused the tragedy or the one who did nothing to stop it?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'i think you should have created the Commandments first, and then the people.'

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Do you think there's any chance he'll flip flop on sin?"

"You had your great entrance with Mary and her immaculate conception. Frauke Petry is my girl!"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"He calls it a harmless little faith-based initiative, but I say it's intrusive and unconstitutional!"

'Omnipotence, omniscience, Omnipresence. There must be more than that for Chrissake!'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"Everything is so easy for you."

"The National Rifle Association maintains a very powerful lobby up here."

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

Tell me father, why do only 10 of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.