Divine Deliberator Gifts

'Of course, God is a Republican! He runs the universe just like I run my business!'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Jesus wept

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

"I stand corrected..."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

Supreme Court Crunch

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood..." And that was before they had GPS's!

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."