Divine Debaters Gifts

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."

The Devil has the best Tunes. Jesus says: 'Oooh, cherry menthol flavour.'

"I'm not 'coercing' anyone. I'm just explaining what you must do to avoid going to hell."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

Worst. God. Ever.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I wasn't kicked out! We had creative differences, that's all!"

John Newman

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"I think you made your mistake right at the beginning!"