Divine Commentator Gifts

"So with the benefit of hindsight..."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Local News in Heaven

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Beware of God"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

2pm meet your Creator

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

Jesus wept

Worst. God. Ever.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'