Religious Commentator Gifts

'This is quite a job description!'

Alt-Right Thomas

"As a Christian, it's my job to love everyone. Especially people like you who don't deserve it."

"God doesn't discriminate...so we have to do it for him."

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

Worst. God. Ever.

"There ain't enough room in this season for the both of us."

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!... ...Also have a bunny hide eggs."

Repent Ys Who Has Sinned Against ME!

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

'Fourteenth century church, fourteenth century views.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Edmund Burke's 'Reflections on the Revolution in France' haunts Dr Richard Price

'Cartoonist thinking'

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Sir Patrick Moore.

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

The United States of Amazement