Religious Commentary Fan Gifts

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"Hallelujah!"

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

Worst. God. Ever.

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Moral Outrage.

"I have to confess a sin, Preacher. I went premarital shopping."

'Fourteenth century church, fourteenth century views.'

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

"Can we discuss this?"

Obey the Book or be damned!

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

Bureaucrats Resting On Hercules Soldier.

Pope's blessing.