Divine Presenters Gifts

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Local News in Heaven

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"Beware of God"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

"I stand corrected..."

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.