Divine Presenters Pillows

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Local News in Heaven

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Beware of God"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"I stand corrected..."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.