Divine Comedians Gifts

Only went to church so children could go to a good school

"Apparently, it has something to do with el Niño."

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"The fine print? Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

'Could we make this quick, I've had a rough day.'

'He's bringing glad-to-be-gay tidings.'

"Now what?"

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Zeus's Caddy

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."