Divine Comedians Gifts

Only went to church so children could go to a good school

"Apparently, it has something to do with el Niño."

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"The fine print? Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

'Could we make this quick, I've had a rough day.'

'He's bringing glad-to-be-gay tidings.'

"Now what?"

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Zeus's Caddy

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Read that last part back to me.'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Beware of God"