Divine Comedy Gifts

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

'You'd feel paranoid too, if you were a martyr!'

'There's a lot of non-fundamentalists getting in here, Lord- we need a fence to keep them out!'

'Flood it and we'll do a retake.'

"Frankly, I owe my presence up here to having a great public relations staff."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Zeus's Caddy

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'Read that last part back to me.'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

God passing the time.

"Beware of God"