Spiritual Conversationalist Gifts

God's turnaround time.

"I prefer to keep my religious views to myself."

"Why do you keep quoting bible passages I never hear in church!?!"

"Well, Carmen, I must go now... Some of us are working on St. Peter's new gate. It's a lot bigger these days...with more people coming through... You know...because everyone's putting in good words...for everyone still down here..."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I've been feeling more transparent."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

"You CAN be an effective haunter - we just need to unlock your potential!"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Actually, it's pronounced 'An-hel'."

Ouija board speaks recorded options

"At random IS the plan..."

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

'Oh, you're from earth. Do you know Aaron Michaelson?'

'And now he's a reactionary, and conformist.'

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'