Spiritual Investor Gifts

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

The church of our lady of wall street.

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

"For the profits of which we are about to partake, we give thanks. Amen."

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

'What's scaring me is that I'm starting to understand some of the Fed's public statements.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

Sell the Universe !

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

Zen and the Art of Portfolio Maintenance

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

'I'm thinking of starting a religion. What would be a reasonable initial investment?'

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

'He's back! He just couldn't stand the idea of the stock market going up without him.'

"Beware start-ups with a negative cash flow."

"Oh sure. . . now the market rebounds!"