Spiritual Stock Market Sage Gifts

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

Bishop with a crozier case.

Grim Reaper leaning on scared trader.

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

'To hell with everybody!' - 'Right on!'

'He's back on the ledge again! This time, he sold everything, and the market went back up.'

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

"For the profits of which we are about to partake, we give thanks. Amen."

You can make a quick profit on that one, if you don't mind holding it for a couple of years

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"'Buy low, sell high', is all I've figured out so far. Now go away"

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'No sir, I'm afraid there isn't a patron saint for investors.'