Spiritual Stock Guide Gifts

I can't help you with the meaning of life, I'm a stock market guru

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

Enlightened Cursing

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

Nectar of the Gods Dispenser.

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

The church of our lady of wall street.

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Just bee."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

"No, I don't have any weed."

"First, do no ham."

Seances of the future

"This is my last shift, I've been replaced by some bitch called Alexa."