Spiritual Guide Gifts

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'Are you meditating or fantasizing?'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

'Oh wow! Bad karma!'

'The Master goes to seek wisdom from a higher power!'

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'Why didn't you take the elevator?'

Seances of the future

'A wise hermit? ME?? Ribbish!! I sprained my darn ankle by climbing up here and now I can't get down anymore!'

'That sounds very troubling. Come sit, be at one with the universe. You could probably use the vitamin D.'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

"Boy, I wish I had brought some magazines..."

"The key to happiness is privacy. Hear what I'm sayin'?"

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

"No, I don't have any weed."

'Let's start with the basics. Find the Red Queen!'

"Umm... nevermind."

"I've tried thinking of everything, I've tried thinking of nothing. The result is the same."

Unaware of its powers, Swami Vogananda renounces everything and vows to live under Kalpataru, the wish-fulfilling tree.

"To be honest, I was hoping for something a little more inspiring than just the benefits of shopping online."

"I want to get away to it all."

'Oh, he's pretty wise -- I clerked for him.'

"Yes, it's half past two - is that all?"

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

'That mantra you gave me is politically incorrect!'

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

'...Eastenders is on in five minutes.'

The way to the holy mountain

'We've been up here thirty years - Of COURSE you have deja vu feelings!'

"The animal control people relocated your friend two weeks ago. I just now moved in."