Spiritual Guidance Gifts

"Hard morning, Pastor?"

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

Buddhist photo albums,

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

A push in the right direction: 50c.

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'