Spiritual Guide Seeker Gifts

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

Always look for your angel.

"Good game."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Zenemies.

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

My God, I need to fart.

Unguided imagery

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Needs to get a life"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Tiny Visions