Spiritual Guide Seeker Pillows

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

Always look for your angel.

"Good game."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Needs to get a life"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Zenemies.

Tiny Visions

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Unguided imagery

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.