Guidance Seekers Gifts

A push in the right direction: 50c.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zenemies.

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"Needs to get a life"

"All we have left is standing room only."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

Tiny Visions

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

My God, I need to fart.

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'