Spiritual Seekers Gifts

"The meaning of life is cats."

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

"I can see from your Machzor annotations that you've really connected with the Ideas of Yom Kippur."

His prayers were finally answered ? with a question.

"Enough about God. Let's talk about something you really know: rejection."

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

'Do not look within. Trust me, you don't want to know what's in there.'

'...if you think about it, we must have done something pretty bad in a past life.'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

Prophets are up.

Prayers For Agnostics

"Hey! Shut that door!"

"Look, I'm happy to drop my attachment to ego, but please, don't expect me to give up coffee!"

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'You know, he's got a point -- if we're so smart, why ain't we rich?'

Celestial reading lamp.

"You're on mute."

'And the great thing is that I don't have to be approved by your HMO.'

St Luke's Calling: 'Luuuuke, I am your father...'

Existing for eternity - a fate worse than death

"Are you sure that was Buddha? -- It sounds more like something Vladimir Putin would say."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"But if You create them in Your image, how will they tell each other apart?"

'The way I see it ... if the meek do inherit the earth, they're still going to need us.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

Notice In Heaven - THINK POSTHUMOUSLY

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"I don't want to let being dead define me."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"Master, I'm looking for enlightenment!"

"Now that we've figured the meaning of life, how do we monetize it?"

"Grab a paddle."