Spirituality Seekers Gifts

Exorcising.

"Your prayers may be recorded for training and quality purposes."

"Going up or down?"

"He can't roll over, he sheds too much, he can't fetch. How can he be the Messiah?"

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Astral Projection

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Tiny Visions

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

My God, I need to fart.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"