Wise Guide Gifts

'I just feel so used all the time.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Flyfishing for dummies.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

"All the celebrities come here."

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'Sorry I'm late everybody,I got lost.'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

Enlightened Cursing

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

Lost and Profound.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

On Holiday

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."