Faith Guide Gifts

"You are taking the responsibility as an elder to shepherd the flock a little too serious."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Flyfishing for dummies.

At the 2021 Religious Games

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Tiny Visions

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

A surprise in heaven

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Drive-thru Church

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Father

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"