Wise Elders Gifts

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

Man with sticker on back reading 'Wife's point of view on board'

The Ageing Process.

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

Having a senior moment

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Elderly religious cleric takes stair lift up the temple.

"Remember anything recently?"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

A man giving advice to his son

'Money brings only misery.'

"TIa Carmen, what would you do if you had your life to live over again?"

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

'Newburg must be getting close to retirement - he's not easy to intimidate anymore.'

"George Stoner is here from Terre Haute. He and Henry are talking over old times."

Some owls aren't content just knowing who.

Another one of life's artifacts best left alone - the proverbial can of worms.