Wise Elder Gifts

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'I like it when they're at the age where we can remember more than they can.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

The Ageing Process.

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

Man with sticker on back reading 'Wife's point of view on board'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

Having a senior moment

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"Remember anything recently?"

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

"TIa Carmen, what would you do if you had your life to live over again?"

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

A man giving advice to his son

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

'Our little 'birds and bees' talk went really well. I learned quite a lot.'

Another one of life's artifacts best left alone - the proverbial can of worms.

"No, I can't answer why children talk over films and then ask what's going on."