Elder Wisdom Enthusiast Gifts

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

Down With Wikipedia

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

Gold versus Knowledge

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

The Book of 'Everything You Need To Know.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Hypatia

Man with sticker on back reading 'Wife's point of view on board'

The Ageing Process.

"I'll be answering that question and many more in next week's webinar."

'I wish I could be around when you're my age. I'd like to see that fashion statement with an adult diaper showing.'

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

Plato

Poet and Peasant

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Meaning of Life $5.00

"Try letting go."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Zeno Gives Directions

'Oh, poor thing. You've got a really high temperature!'

Folk wisdom of the galaxies

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

'If you were truly enlightened, you wouldn't CARE whether my nose whistles or not!'

'Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks or you don't.'