Wise Elder Humor Gifts

Young boy gives grandfather advice on smoking

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Man with sticker on back reading 'Wife's point of view on board'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

"It's the Florida kid."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

'On the other hand, I really don't do that much reading.'

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

It's not a zimmer frame...It's my wife!