Humorous Elder Gifts

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Oh, that old thing? She's been wearing that for years, haven't you dear?"

100th Birthday

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

'Hey, Flower! That crabgrass put a perfectly legal chokehold on you! Stop your whining!'

Broadwalk Betrayal

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."