Humorous Elder Gifts

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Oh, that old thing? She's been wearing that for years, haven't you dear?"

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

100th Birthday

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

Broadwalk Betrayal

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"