Wise Scholars Gifts

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Oh, crap.'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

K9 Literati.

'I'm being denied access to the Warren Buffett within me.'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

'Oh, this is my son - I'm home-enlightening him.'

The Meaning of Life

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'