Wise Beings Gifts

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Oh, crap.'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

K9 Literati.

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Lost and Profound.

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

The Meaning of Life

On Holiday

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'