Wise Man Gifts

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'Actually, Goopta, I was meditating about YOU....'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Guru in a maze.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Oh, crap.'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

The Meaning of Life

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"More aphorisms, please!"

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'