Wise Guy Gifts

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

'Bill eventually came to regret selling his sole to the Devil.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'We must be close! It's the little clown of Bethlehem.'

Guru in a maze.

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

Having a senior moment

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

Lemonade and counsel

"I need a five letter word that starts with 'Ca'."

"Remember anything recently?"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

Were wise (and caring) men and women go today.

"TIa Carmen, what would you do if you had your life to live over again?"

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"He's a barn owl, we're great horned owls – completely different class."

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

'Newburg must be getting close to retirement - he's not easy to intimidate anymore.'