Wise Guy Pillows

'Don't tell me we've been following the wrong light!'

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

'Bill eventually came to regret selling his sole to the Devil.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'We must be close! It's the little clown of Bethlehem.'

Guru in a maze.

"How's tricks?"

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

Having a senior moment

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

Lemonade and counsel

"I need a five letter word that starts with 'Ca'."

"Remember anything recently?"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

"TIa Carmen, what would you do if you had your life to live over again?"

I thought we came from that way. Are you sure there's no South Star? I told you we should have asked Mary for directions. The three wise men on their way home.

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

"He's a barn owl, we're great horned owls – completely different class."

Were wise (and caring) men and women go today.