Wise Guys Pillows

"If I won a million dollars, I'd invest it."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Czarcasm

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Guru in a maze.

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

Having a senior moment

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

'It's a girl!'

The Bull, the Bear, the Ant, and the Grasshopper

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

Ancient Secrets to a Happy Life

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Remember anything recently?"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

'Bill eventually came to regret selling his sole to the Devil.'

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

'Money brings only misery.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"