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"If I won a million dollars, I'd invest it."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Czarcasm

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Guru in a maze.

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

'Don't tell me we've been following the wrong light!'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"How's tricks?"

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

Having a senior moment

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

'It's a girl!'

The Bull, the Bear, the Ant, and the Grasshopper

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Ancient Secrets to a Happy Life

"Remember anything recently?"

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

'Money brings only misery.'

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

'Bill eventually came to regret selling his sole to the Devil.'

I thought we came from that way. Are you sure there's no South Star? I told you we should have asked Mary for directions. The three wise men on their way home.