Wise Man T-Shirts

'2013 will be like 2012 except the world will not end.'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'Actually, Goopta, I was meditating about YOU....'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Guru in a maze.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

The Meaning of Life

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"More aphorisms, please!"

Woman meets up with guru: 'Oh, there you are, honey. Dinner's getting cold.'

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'