Wise Men Humor Lover Pillows

"Bloody typical, you wait for ever, then three of the buggers come along together!"

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

"I love this time of year."

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Spiv

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Religious toilets.

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

Good Christians should be willing to die for President Trump."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

"It's the best work you've ever done. Still pretty awful."

"He's been talking to that cat again!"

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

'You look lovely today.'

'How come when you're right it's female intuition and when I'm right it's dumb luck?'

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

Three wise men following a lightbulb

You must be this tall to bump head on sign.

Peter Dinklage

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'