Wit And Humor Lovers Pillows

"I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

True confessions.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Grounded

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

'That'll be four thousand and eighty pounds please'

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'