Wit And Humor Pillows

Ignorance of the law rarely keeps some attorneys from practicing it.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

The Thinker. The Listener

"I love this time of year."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Another Truism Bites the Dust.

Spiv

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.

Whipping Cream

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Under Canvas

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Tom Bowler

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

Sheet Music

"...and this week, all boardroom tables come with a free, titled Non-Executive Director"

'How come when you're right it's female intuition and when I'm right it's dumb luck?'

Carruthers, I need an objective opinion from a rational person, you know anybody like that?

"Do you have any immature reading?"

Peter Dinklage

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

Penny for the Guy