Wit And Humor Pillows

Ignorance of the law rarely keeps some attorneys from practicing it.

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"I love this time of year."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Another Truism Bites the Dust.

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

Spiv

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Whipping Cream

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Under Canvas

Tom Bowler

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

Sheet Music

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

"...and this week, all boardroom tables come with a free, titled Non-Executive Director"

'How come when you're right it's female intuition and when I'm right it's dumb luck?'

Carruthers, I need an objective opinion from a rational person, you know anybody like that?

"Do you have any immature reading?"

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

"His game is so bad they place the pin flags at half mast whenever he plays a round."

Penny for the Guy