Satirical Wit Pillows

"...and this week, all boardroom tables come with a free, titled Non-Executive Director"

'I only read it for the articles about naked women.'

Carruthers, I need an objective opinion from a rational person, you know anybody like that?

No Bad News

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Occu-Pie Mars

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Pretty Flowers

Torturing the English Language

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Life is for the birds.

Build your very own conflict of interest!