Satirical Pillows

'Your tests show you to be drug free ... and three months pregnant.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"You're fired."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Occu-Pie Mars

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Hollywood Sign Developers

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

They're Not Just That Into It

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

Pretty Flowers

Life is for the birds.

Torturing the English Language

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."