Scholarly Satire Pillows

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

The trap

John Bull presenting the building for the 1862 International Exhibition to Britannia

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

Corporate Punishment.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"We're on track for net zero."

Peace bomb.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"How can a student who can't speak English or Gobbledegook expect to pass?"

Monkey Business College

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'