Scholarly Satire Pillows

Campus. Professor Frump is the most respected faculty member here. All the other professors want to be noticed by him. This semester he's teaching three classes. But for some unknown reason lots of students are dropping the second one. He asked why this is happening. Hoping to impress him, sociology and economics scholars rushed to present him with their theories. I guess he should have been more specific when he questioned with the middle class is disappearing.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

The trap

John Bull presenting the building for the 1862 International Exhibition to Britannia

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

"We're on track for net zero."

Peace bomb.

Corporate Punishment.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

"How can a student who can't speak English or Gobbledegook expect to pass?"

Monkey Business College

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'