Satire Scholar Pillows

"It's people like you, young man, who ruin it for everyone else!"

'I'm Vlad The Impaler, and I approved this message.'

Woman scared of bug

Copycats

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Reverse psychology

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

Strainspotting

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Coleridge'