Satirical Sense Pillows

'I blame the internet.'

"Thank you for waiting. We appreciate your patience. If at any time you feel you need a more sincere and meaningful apology, please press one."

"It takes thirty seven facial muscles to frown and only one million dollars to smile."

Unwritten History. Washington crossing Delaware. Are we in New Jersey yet?

'We have successfully isolated the spore which causes the spread of Ant and Dec.'

If symptoms persist sue your doctor.

Apocalipsis

Simply bored to tears, please help.

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"You're fired."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

UK/US Free Trade Deal

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

They're Not Just That Into It

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'