Satirical Sensation Pillows

I hear he's the underdog. I like that in a candidate.

"Sorry, but you're a White male heterosexual Christian American citizen -- you're the only group we're still allowed to profile."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

Trump

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Justitia, the goddess of justice, is picking a dollar bill from the ground.

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'How is this for a headline: Climate change denial blogs cause further global warming.'

"It's called 'A Package Holiday'"

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

"This machine kills fascists, and this machine kills fascists, and this one is just a guitar."

'Yes, they've kept it pretty close to the book.'

Apocalipsis

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?

'You see a problem, I see a challenge. Let's quit whining over knife crime and start taxing knives!'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

"The president has banned the Mexican wave and replaced it with the American wave... Also, empanadas will now only use American jumping-beans."

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Out to Latte"

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

'I blame the internet.'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"Now I know why those cruise tickets were so cheap!"

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

'Your tests show you to be drug free ... and three months pregnant.'