Satirical Studies Pillows

"We're on track for net zero."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

Strainspotting

The World's Biggest Book Club

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

You're too old to go back to Camp Owonsit. That's ok. It's all little kids. How about Lake Kinepesakau Camp. It's all jocks. Your son needs an enriching summer experience. Thoughts? How about � Camp Workforaliving? It's all depressing adults.

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'