Satirical Studies Gifts

"We're on track for net zero."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

Strainspotting

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."